My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
