My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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