last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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