I wanna bring you to show and tell
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
