Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
