I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
