I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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