Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
