when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Found the puke drawer
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
