Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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