I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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