hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
