it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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