Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
