He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
