you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
