She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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