Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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