You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
