I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
