i just google imaged poop.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
