i jhust puked up my retainher.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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