I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Randomize
