Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
