we're making bets on your personal life
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
