Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
