By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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