chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
