we're chasing vodka with high fives
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
