one two three fourrrrnication!
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
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