well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
