He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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