i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
