Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
