sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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