i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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