Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
