2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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