Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
