I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
