i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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