i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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