So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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