I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
