I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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