At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
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I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
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we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
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