I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize