I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
