We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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