I just threw up on my dentist
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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