I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
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You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
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I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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