You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
