I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize