based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
