Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
