Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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