i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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