My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Randomize
