I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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