Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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