if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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