Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
