areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Randomize
