just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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