Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
