I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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