No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
