Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
