oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
