Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
