dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
